Worst. Blog. Ever.

Somehow I knew it would come to this. My exploration into the outer reaches of the blogosphere lasted all of six posts! Like many an impulse that has fallen by the wayside, I forsook it upon simply loosing the desire to continue. Not unlike the cello lessons I begged my parents for as a teenager - abandoned soon after discovering that the cello is in fact a terribly heavy and cumbersome instrument. Not unlike the time I was convinced that seiza style zen meditation was going to change my life and make me a much more agreeable person, only to give it up three days into the onset. Oh the painful onset. And not unlike the time I embarked on a trek to eat cheeseburgers across America, only making it as far as Hackensack, New Jersey.

And now here I am, two years later and a world away, crawling back to you on my knees, begging for your attention once again. Do I come hither, arms outstretched, bearing lush tales of exploits in the Far East? No. Rather I return to you a broken and humble man. A mere shadow of the man who once regaled you with whimsical narratives of clumsy old ladies and scholastic Pauly Shore references. 'Tis I, though you may barely recognize me. For I am no longer nestled among the thick and cozy cushiony context of being a student in Japan - the very thing that spurred my initial foray into weblogging and which, but for a short time, made me a mildly interesting person.

Allow me to briefly recap the last two years of my life...

When we left off, I was in Japan, and it had been brought to my attention that I had overlooked a major contract stipulation regarding my living arrangements, whereupon I took lodging in a "guest house" located in a bustling Tokyo suburb not far from the city center. From that day on, life was good I must say, which accounts for my neglect to actually sit down and write about it. This is all I will divulge of that period now, though I may be cajoled into delving into greater detail about my days there in the future. For now, allow me to simply bring you up to date. Upon returning to the States I was in a bit of a state of shock. After some readjustment, and with the help of a few friends, I was back on track at my final semester at university and back to work for the same company I had been employed at before I left for Japan.

Upon graduating in the Spring of 2008, which was no small feat considering the circumstances, (again I won't go into great detail, but the phrase "by the skin of my teeth" comes to mind) I decided to make an attempt at finding a job in Japan. I pursued three opportunities. The first, an interview in Toronto, Ontario with a company that has schools in Japan that teach English to children. Not only children, but they actually have classes for infants, and even pregnant mothers, with babies inside of them! The meat and potatoes of the interview consisted of a role-play lesson in which I, the teacher, had five minutes to devise a lesson plan and was then judged on my ability to teach it to the student, in this case, a grown woman, acting like seven year old girl. Not only did my very non-outgoing personality lend poorly to this situation, but the vague eroticism of it all was very distracting. I did not get the job.

The second opportunity: The Boston Career Forum. That's right, it's October, that time of year when hoards of suit clad, soon to be Japanese graduates converge on the Boston Convention center to look for a job that will undoubtedly dictate the course of their lives. I managed to land an interview with Bandai, the toy company. It was in Japanese, and I must admit I had a bit of difficulty discussing things that were completely unrelated to food, booze or pillow talk. However, I did manage to land a second interview for later that day, which didn't go quite as well. I did not get the job.

The third opportunity: JET. JET is the Holy Grail of jobs for foreigners in Japan. It's a government run employment program that places people from English speaking countries into primary schools all across Japan to be English Teaching Assistants. It pays very well, flight cost is covered, rent is covered, transport to and from work is covered, and they offer health insurance. Needless to say, it's a very competitive program and the application process was extremely arduous and time consuming. I submitted it in November '08 and had an interview by the end of February '09. The interview went well, because I was actually offered the job in March! If this event had taken place just a month or two earlier, I probably would be writing a much more interesting weblog entry right now, from Japan. You would probably be enjoying it.

However, a series of events took place for which there is no need to get into at this time. The stars were aligned, if you will, and I chose to gratefully decline the position I was offered, and instead moved to Brooklyn, NY, where I have been since May, and where I write to you now, on my bed, in my humble 7x7 bedroom.

The events of the past which I have described to you are, for the most part, inconsequential to what I may write in the future, but are intended to give a little context to the garbled words that from this day forward will leave my mouth, enter my ears, travel through my brain tubes and exit my fingers in the form of hasty key strokes. I have, in the past, expressed my doubts and reservations regarding the intrinsically self-absorbed, narcissistic nature of weblogs. (see first post) But here I am telling you that...on a weblog. Ironic, isn't it? I feel it's audacious to even assume that someone is reading this. But all qualms aside, or momentarily brushed under a nearby rug and out of sight, I feel compelled to write, so write I will.